February has arrived and yet again flowers and candy hearts are flying off the shelves and many men and women are hoping/planning/expecting to ask out the man/woman of their dreams. Seems simple enough, right? Riddle me this, though. What happens when your dream man/woman works with you? Maybe you share rides together. Maybe they sit in the cubicle next to yours. What if they are your boss? Or maybe you are Jim and Pam– best friends at work that end up being soulmates.
It is no surprise that many colleagues end up dating. One survey by CareerBuilder found that 38% of people have dated a colleague at some point and 31% of people that dated a colleague ended up marrying them. If you have a business or manage one, then office romance is something that you cannot ignore. It will happen in your workplace. Businesses that do not have a plan to respond to office romance can end up facing sexual harassment claims, unproductive employees, tension between employees, and employees quitting to get away from an ex.
Companies Need a Policy on Office Romance
All workplaces need to have a policy on relationships in the workplace. Almost every workplace will have some office romances. If you have a big workplace, and especially if that workplace is in a small town, then it could be the case that you will have married individuals that have some kind of authority over their spouse. Moreover, there may be situations where a supervisor and a subordinate wish to date. These issues can be very tricky, and businesses need a tailored response to these and other complex issues.
Any policy on office romance should forbid supervisors from dating their subordinates. Too often a subordinate in this situation is not freely choosing to have the relationship or feels that they will be retaliated against if they refuse the advance of a supervisor. If an employee and a supervisor do date, then other employees can also feel that the supervisor treats their significant other better than other employees. If the relationship ends, then the supervisor may retaliate against the employee that they dated, which can lead to sexual harassment claims against the company if it is not properly addressed. Companies have the option to transfer employees to other parts of the facility where the supervisor will not be in charge of the employee should the company choose to allow a supervisor and employee to date. However, it is generally best to prohibit supervisors from dating their direct subordinates.
Ensure that the Company’s Sexual Harassment Policy is Up-to-Date
You can review my recommendations to combat sexual harassment in full here. Let’s quickly review the basics of what you need to know about sexual harassment.
Sexual harassment can include “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” Isolated incidents that are not very serious, normal advances or flirting (like compliments), and some teasing are not harassment provided that these actions are not so frequent or severe to become a hostile work environment. Adverse employment actions (firing, discipline) that a supervisor takes because an employee refused their advances can result in a claim against the company. Most importantly, no employee should be like Bulldog in Frasier. You cannot allow an employee, no matter how valuable they seem to be to the company, to sexually harass a fellow employee. They will eventually become a liability.
You need a policy that addresses how employees can report sexual harassment, defines what sexual harassment is, and you need to train your managers and staff to be aware of and know how to address sexual harassment issues. In every workplace there is someone that will cross the line. All businesses must be vigilant in preventing and addressing sexual harassment, however, businesses that have a particular reputation of having lots of sexual banter and horseplay must be even more cautious and aware. A sexual harassment policy is only good if a company enforces it and makes sure that employees feel comfortable to report harassment.
Let’s take a look at the restaurant industry as a case study.
The Food Service Industry and Sexual Harassment
The food service and hospitality sector had more sexual harassment claims than any other sector from 2005 to 2015 with 14% of all 41,250 sexual harassment claims filed against businesses in that sector. One survey reported that 40% of women in the fast food industry experience sexual harassment. Why is sexual harassment so pervasive in this industry?
Basically, the problem in the restaurant industry is that the businesses tolerate this behavior. Some of the accusations follow the familiar pattern of a person in a place of authority that abuses their position to create a culture of fear where employees feel that they must choose between their jobs and speaking up. The harassment also often occurs through “jokes.” For example, a female employee may bend over to grab a pot, and someone makes a “joke.” If you want to hear a firsthand perspective of how bad it can be then you can read about it here.
The key thing for any business is to train its employees and managers. Have a policy that encourages employees to speak up when they witness something (bystander training). Most of all businesses need to act when something happens and make it clear to employees that sexual harassment will not be tolerated.
When Office Romance Becomes Harassment
What is the difference between flirting, jokes, and other romantic gestures and harassment? Harassment is an unwelcome advance made on another party. Here are some things to consider if you are thinking about dating a coworker.
- Become friends with any coworker that you plan to ask out (or at least be acquaintances).
No one wants to be asked out by someone that they do not know. All coworkers should get to know someone before asking them out.
- You only have one chance to ask someone out.
Do not ask a coworker out repeatedly. If they say no, if they say that they are busy that day, or are not available, then that is it. If they really want to go out with you, then they will come back and let you know. Real life is not like 50 first dates.
- If they reject you, then you need to be professional and move on
This means if a coworker is rejected or if employees date and the relationship goes south, then they must resolve the situation. When coworkers are at work, they need to be professional and treat the other person the same way that they would treat any other coworker.
Conclusion
Office romance is a touchy subject especially after the revelations of the #metoo movement. All companies need to be aware of the problems that can occur when coworkers date, and they also need to be aware of and realize the potential for abuse of power in romantic situations (realized or unrealized). In today’s workplace culture, there is a thin line between office romance and sexual harassment.
P.S. Including suggestive romantic marketing materials around your workplace is probably not a good idea. Can’t you imagine a pile of these napkins on a coworker’s desk with suggestive names and numbers? Or (stalker alert) all from the same person?
The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not legal advice. If you need legal advice, then you should speak with a lawyer about your specific issues. Every legal issue is unique. A lawyer can help you with your situation. Reading the blog, contacting me through the site, emailing me or commenting on a post does not create an attorney-client relationship between any reader and me.
The information provided is my own and does not reflect the opinion of my firm or anyone else.